Oh, the office romance. Why do these secretive, clandestine love affairs seem so
appealing on the outset? I argue that it’s the risk involved that makes it so
tempting. Keeping something secret seems sexy and mysterious, at least in the
beginning. It all goes back to the forbidden fruit. When we are told that we
cannot have something we want, our desire for it increases!
Let’s talk about why office romance is so hot. As human beings, we are always
interested in the chase. We like to achieve things that are not easily obtainable.
In the case of the office romance, it becomes more desirable because we are told
that it is against the rules to pursue a romantic relationship with someone at
work. Think back to a time when your parents told you that you couldn’t go to a
party on a school night, but you snuck out anyway. Wasn’t it more fun? Didn’t
you have that rush of adrenaline and excitement, knowing you might get caught?
Fast forward a few years to when you have moved out on your own and have no
parents to answer to. Once their restrictions are removed, the late night parties
don’t have the same appeal that they used to when they were forbidden. Hell,
watching Netflix in your pj’s on a Friday night with pizza seems more appealing.
Office romance is just like that. It is sexy because it has its restrictions compared
to the traditional dating where your relationship is out in the open.
A lot of office romances die off after they become public because the spark is
gone. The thrill of calling in sick to work and having hot sex is no longer so
exciting. Sexting during a team meeting loses its appeal. Sneaking a quick make-
out session in the supply closet is no more exciting. Once a relationship becomes
public knowledge, people start to put expectations on you. How serious are you?
Are you going to move in together? When’s the wedding? Etc. Those are the types
of questions you don’t have to discuss when all you’re doing is having hot,
secretive sex and feeling like a naughty teenager behind everyone’s back.
Many office romances also start due to “power desire”, such as dating your boss.
This could be the employee that is turned on by the power exhibited by the boss,
OR alternately, the boss that is turned on by the employee’s potential to
contribute. I mean definitely there will be a physical attraction, but my personal
experience was due to sharing the same passion in the same industry and we
were both attracted to each other’s dominant personalities in business. It started
with someone that I typically will not date and even when he was interested, I still
stayed in the company because I made up my mind that is forbidden and he is not
my type. Over the months, of course my heart beat my mind and told me to
pursue this romance. Of course it was wonderful, because building a vision
together and sharing the passion results in high productivity. This kept everything
steamy and hot until reality hit me. If this would go any further, then I have to
see if this person is compatible as a life partner. As time went by, I realized his
morals in life and business were very contradicting to mine. I said my good bye
when it was almost turning toxic and totally dodged a bullet. This left things
really sour until we talked it out after some time. I am glad I made that choice,
because I absolutely prefer a man who has good values in life & business both. I
am not the “settle for less” kind.
Do I regret it? No! It was a great learning experience. Would I pursue another
office romance? Under the right circumstances, yes, why not? You become
smarter and make wise decisions based on your past experiences. Finding a
partner who is compatible in business and life is a blessing because you will speak
the same language. However, I will be more aware of the risks attached to it to
make sure that if it leads somewhere, then it is someone who is aligned with my
energy. I am in my 30s now and over the years, I started investing my time with
people I vibe with to ensure I lead a positive life, however I will always have my
“thrill seeking” entrepreneur bug in me.
Make sure that the person you are interested in is not committed in another
relationship. This will cause a lot of heart ache if one wants to pursue this further
and the other doesn’t. Cheating is UNACCEPTABLE!
Your priorities should come first such as achieving your dreams and do not
sacrifice them to keep this relationship. Such as going for a promotion or leaving
the company for a better opportunity.
If you feel that you both are not on the same page, then have an open discussion.
If developing an office romance will result in you being reprimanded or fired, it is
best to be avoided. I’m all for having some fun, but not at the expense of your
career advancement. If you REALLY can’t stay away from someone, one or both of
you will need to make a change to a different department or role to avoid trouble.